Wish List Part II: Koren Robinson Long-Term

Do the words Cris Carter still mean anything to Vikings fans? Remember he was the guy that we got off Philly's junk pile for $100 back in the day. Now, the Vikings have a shot at signing another "Wide-out Reject Gone Pro Bowl" if they can re-sign Koren Robinson.

According the Ben Maller at benmaller.com, "WR Koren Robinson expects his agent, Alvin Keels, will soon open contract talks with the Vikings. 'I know a couple phone calls have been made, and I think it's supposed to be happening now or real soon,' Robinson said.

Re-singing Ko-Ro to a long term deal is wish # 3 for us at Vikingstailgate.com. Joining
1. Pioli given GM of Football Operations and Total control
2. Acquiring Lavar Arrington and now
3. Signing Ko-Ro to a long term deal.

There will be plenty more off-season "wishes" from us to be posted. Stay tuned and check back often.

Wish List Part I: Lavar Arrington

According to a story by David Elfin published in today's Washington Times, Lavar Arrington has seen his last days as a Redskin. To me, this is the best news possible. A Penn State Nittany Lion fan for my entire life, I would strongly encourage the Vikings to get the disgruntled Redskin from linebacker U.

Although it appears that Lavar would like to play in San Diego with his protege Shawne Merriman, maybe he wouldn't mind freelancing with the Vikings linebackers for a few seasons? The purple could really use a guy like Arrington to teach E.J. and Dontarious how to sniff out a play.

My Vikings Wish List so far:

• 1. Scott Pioli from New Englnad named GM of Football Operations for the Vikings
  
• 2. Lavar Arrington acquired from Redskins
  

If It Was My Team... And of Course it Isn't... But...

First thing I would do is hire a General Manager of Football Operations. Get someone who could come in and lay down the law of Football RIGHT NOW. I would offer the position to Jimmy Johnson, but knowing he won't take it, I would go after Scott Pioli of the New England Patriots with a blank check, and FULL CONTROL over the Football Operations.

If you don't know this guy, you should. Other than Bill Bilicheck, he is the most sought after Patriot in the authoritative capacity. He apparently is best friends with BB and has drafted the World Champions since 2000. Ths is what the Vikings need more than a new Head Coach. I also read that Pioli is Bill Parcell's son-in-law. Talk about surrounding yourselves with winners.

Once this dude has a chunk of my money, I tell him it's up to him if he wants to hire old lughead back or not. When he stops laughing, I make sure he knows that he can go get anyone he wants. More than likely he will get someone from the Bilicheck Parcells New York Giants era. Is Mark Bavaro available? Seriously though, if you want someone with a pedigree, he'd probably go get Maurice Carthon, the current Offesnive coordinator of the Cleveland Browns. I have a hunch that ol Mo knows how to run an entire team after being under the likes of Tuna, the Mad Scientist and Romeo. Maybe Pioli likes Doug Flutie?

Someone like Mo or Flutie would be cool to have on the staff, but of course this would be the Pioli show, show it's all his call. If asks me, and needs suggestions for Defense, I'd say, "Do whatever it takes to get Dick LeBeau in here. I have always liked his work, maybe he could be a head coach?" Again, this would be a Pioli decision.

Most important, I have him train Scott Studwell, and other Vikings draft gurus on how the Patriots analyzed and picked these guys in the drafts:

2005
Logan Mankins, OG Fresno State 6'4" 307 lbs.
Ellis Hobbs, CB Iowa State 5'9" 188 lbs.
Nick Kaczur, OG Toleo 6'4" 319 lbs.
James Sanders, SS Fresno State 5'10" 207 lbs.
Ryan Claridge, OLB UNLV 6'2" 259 lbs.
Matt Cassel, QB USC 6'5" 230 lbs.
Andy Stokes, TE William Penn 6'5" 245 lbs.

2004
Vince Wilfork DT Miami (FL)
Ben Watson TE Georgia
Marquise Hill DE Louisiana State
Guss Scott DB Florida
Dexter Reid DB North Carolina
Cedric Cobbs RB Arkansas
P.K. Sam WR Florida State
Christian Morton DB Illinois

2003
Ty Warren DT Texas A&M
Eugene Wilson DB Illinois
Bethel Johnson WR Texas A&M
Dan Klecko DT Temple
Asante Samuel DB Central Florida
Dan Koppen C Boston College
Kliff Kingsbury QB Texas Tech
Spencer Nead TE Brigham Young
Tully Banta-Cain DE California
Ethan Kelley DT Baylor

2002
Dan Graham TE Colorado
Deion Branch WR Louisville
Rohan Davey QB Louisiana State
Jarvis Green DE Louisiana State
Antwoine Womack RB Virginia
David Givens WR Notre Dame

2001
Richard Seymour DT Georgia
Matt Light T Purdue
Brock Williams DB Notre Dame
Kenyatta Jones T South Florida
Jabari Holloway TE Notre Dame
Hakim Akbar DB Washington
Arther Love TE South Carolina State
Leonard Myers DB Miami (FL)
Owen Pochman K Brigham Young
T.J. Turner LB Michigan State

2000
Adrian Klemm T Hawaii
J.R. Redmond RB Arizona State
Greg Randall T Michigan State
Dave Stachelski TE Boise State
Jeff Marriott DT Missouri
Antwan Harris DB Virginia
Tom Brady QB Michigan - WOW
David Nugent DT Purdue
Casey Tisdale LB New Mexico
Patrick Pass RB Georgia

I think that's a safe place to start, hire, buy, bribe this Pioli guy. Everything else will take care of itself.

Where are The Diehard Vikings Fans?

Earlier this week on his Sports Wrap show, Mike Tice called out the Viking diehards, asking for a definition of what it means to be a Vikings fan. Noting the extraordinary amount of loud terrible towel waving fans in the Metrodome for the brilliantly coached 18-3 loss to Pittsburgh, Tice showed extreme disappointment in the season ticket holders for selling their seats. Imagine that? Mr. Ticket scalper himself, calling out enterprising Viking fans.

A diehard Minnesota Vikings fan is someone who:

Attends as many games as their budget allows without causing fiscal harm to themselves and/or families who depend on their salary for survival. If this means they hold season tickets, great, if this means that they sell a few games to Packer fans, or Steelers fans who would pay more for 1 game than it would cost for an entire season of Viking game tickets, even better.

sits in the Metrodome until the game is finished, win, lose or take-a-knee before overtime, diehards stay until the bitter end.

is not bothered by fans of opponents who sit next to them. They know that the NFL is team vs. team experience and actually value diversity. There is no reason to fight with fans from other teams in the stands. Vikings fans should always respect the opposition, as it is the job of the players on the field (NOT THE CROWD) to beat their opponent.

knows tons of stupid trivia, enough to hold hours of conversation with other diehards, for example they know that it was a future Viking Walker Lee Ashley who stuffed another future Viking Herschel Walker at the goal line in 1982 NCAA Sugar Bowl, giving Penn State a National Championship over Georgia. AND knows that it was the trade for Herschel Walker that give the hated Dallas Cowboys both Emmitt Smith and Darren Woodson- along with 10 other draft picks and 6 other players and that this "horse crap" trade paved the way for 3 Dallas Super Bowl titles in the 90's and brought a new sheriff to Minnesota. (DISCUSS)

shows up at 6:00 a.m. on game-days to tailgate with fellow diehards. They don't necessarily have to drink for 6-hours before kick-off, but they- in the tradition of true Minnesota Outdoorsmen- like being outside, cooking, talking, playing-catch, etc. and being with other diehards.

has at the very least the following games on VHS, or DVD; all 4 Super Bowl losses, the 1983 Playoff win over Atlanta in the dome, the 1980 Cleveland Hail Mary Game, the 1975 Drew Pushed off Game, the 1998 & 2005 Moss at Lambeau games. (Some other diehards, like the author of this article have as many as 410 full Viking games in their personal library.)

has attended at least one Vikings game on the road at some point, or is planning on attending a road game sometime when their budget can handle it.

doesn't boo for the sake of booing (like berating a fill-in punter for cripes sake). They know that they gotta save up the boo's for something big, like having an opponent's coach trip one of their players or something. (This booing for the sake of booing bandwagon that seems to be voicing itself for every imperfection on this team as of late, has to stop. Granted, it is easy to just slip in a boo when someone next to you is doing it, but you gotta have some self-control people! Focus.

if they have kids, teaches them that Green Bay is the place that all stuff in your toilet goes to after you flush. Serious.

There are of course several hundred more standards of diehard Vikings fans, including the right to wear a "Tice is an Idiot" t-shirt as they stand next to him in a photo etc. but we won't get too crazy here. I guess for now, all one needs to know is that there still are diehard Vikings out there. You just have to know where to find them.

Who Was On the Boat? Who Cares?

Sorry people, I don't care what Vikings stuck their things in who's orifices or why rubber dongs were shoved in what holes and how often? I don't care if Candy from Atlanta's "Cheetah's" was really Precious from Chicago. Really, it has nothing to do with football, and I am sick of it being on the News as if it was more important than a Senate hearing about the future of education.

Essentially, to me, NFL Players (and Cheerleaders for that matter) are pieces of live meat on a playground, who perform live, predictable & unpredictable acts that other humans cannot willingly do. For this, I pay to watch. They are my entertainment. I wrote it a few months ago: NFL Players are NOT role models. But when they prove that to be fact, it sure the hell is fun to write about. Sex sells, evil gets the eyes, and the more eyes, the better right?

n this case of latest drudgery, our Vikings found themselves hot in the pursuit of watching live sex acts on a boat. YES! Also this season we have had stories about drug testing & whizzinators, and alcohol & street fights. YES! For the Vikings who play on these Sundays and are paid huge sums of money, apparently their eyes focus on the same things that sell. That's right, their entertainment is SEX, DRUGS and ROCK N'ROLL? They choose this lifetstyle and our news agents love it. They prioritize it, they tease us with it, and they shove it down our throats for shock value. They make us more curious. Is that wrong? Who am I to judge?

The only real crime here is that the Vikings have poor taste in choosing the location of where they are paying for their entertainment. Okay, some inadvertent members of the public (Al and Alma employees) were subjected to scenes of Mount McKinnie Mounting some "HO" from Atlanta with his mouth? This, no matter how you cut it, or spin it, is unfortunate. But I am sure that for these "witnesses" this was the first time they have ever seen such acts. There is no way they could have caught an eyeful on HBO, Showtime or one of mommy & daddy's "naughty" channels, right? Hell, network TV seems to cover this crap with glee? God forbid that a sexual image might show up in some TV commercial, or could be broadcasted in some way over the local news stations? For crying out loud people, someone has to explain all this hype to their kids.

These are football players with weird appetites and desires, and lusts and odd career choices. They are freaks of the normal, and we pay them to be that on Sundays. Then we expect them to be just like us on Monday-Saturday? Okay, maybe they could at least follow some of the 10 Commandments for once, just for laughs and giggles?

Now that would be a story worth covering. We know that Daunte Culpepper, Bryant McKinnie, Moe Williams and Fred Smoot have all been charged with misdemneanors. I am not surprised, and I do not care. For now, if proven guilty they should and will be punished with a slap to the face, but is this worth all the news coverage? Not really!

Down the Stretch They Come

I am not so sure that I share the joy of all in Vikings land with the recent 5 game winning streak. I mean it's fun and all, and it's great to see the team winning, but the way the tiebreakers are set up, if the season ended today we would be OUT of the playoffs and stuck with a mid-to-late round draft pick. I always put my judgement on how far the Vikings will go in the playoffs based on how the Offensive Line performs. This years O-Line is still playing like horse manure after a 2-day rainstorm. It sucks. Of course Brad Johnson is making them look good with his quick release, but man, right now we don't have the "Big Uglies" to maintain a running game that could sustain a playoff run.

I know this is a concern of the Vikings coaches, and it should be a concern of the fans who are getting too caught up in a hot streak. The elements of a winning team are all in place; a decent defense, good clock management, solid special teams and minimal turnovers. Unfortuantely, we cannot add "coaching" and "running game" to that mix. I also consider who the Vikings have beaten, and sans New York at the Meadowlands, there really isn't any decent squads the team has conquered.

I still have hope, but let's keep it real and hope the geniuses at Winter Park are trying to do the same. Stay focused, stay grounded and realize that the team hasn't done ANYTHING... yet.

The playoff picture:
If season ended today, and remaining schedules:
1) Seattle 9-2, 8-1 in NFC (@ Phi, SF, @ Ten, Ind, @ GB) Predict: 4-1, (13-3)
2) Chicago 9-3, 8-1 in NFC (@ Pitt, Atl, @ GB, @ Min) Predict: 2-2, (11-5)
3) Carolina 9-3, 6-2 in NFC (TB, @ NO, Dal, @ Atl) Predict: 3-1, (12-4)
4) NY Giants 8-4, 7-3 in NFC (@ Phi, KC, @ Wash, @ Oak) 2-2, (10-6)
5) Tampa 8-4, 6-3 in NFC (@ Car, @ NE, Atl, NO) Predict: 2-2, (10-6)
6) Dallas 7-5, 6-3 in NFC (KC, @ Wash, @ Car, St.L.) Predic:t 2-2, (9-7)
7) Atlanta 7-5, 4-4 in NFC (NO, @ Chi, @ TB, Car) Predict: 3-1 (10-6)
8) Vikings 7-5, 6-4 in NFC (St.L., Pitt, @ Balt, Chi) Predict: 2-2 (9-7)

So, here is that reality. There are 8 playoff contenders for 6 spots. Of these teams, the Vikings currently have a 1-4 record. The do not play Dallas or Seattle. For the Vikings to win the division, and host a playoff game, they will have to win all 4 of their remaining games and hope Chicago goes 2-2. For the 6th wildcard spot and role of road warrior forthe entire playoffs, the Vikings would need to win 2 or 3 games and hope that Dallas, Atlanta, Tampa or the Giants completely tank it. Dallas presently wins a 3-way tie, (Vikes, Atlanta and Dallas) and the Vikes pretty much have no advantage over any other playoff contender. (Other than Giants, who at worst would finish 10-6 with the predicted results above.) This means, the Vikings would have win a minimum of 3 games to have a chance. Hmmm....

I guess that is why they play the games. Stay tuned, y'all, and keep the purple faith. I am trying.

I Miss Moss Most at ChrisMoss Time in Minnesota

"MERRY CHRISMOSS!" It was one of my favorite Vikings signs of all time, from one of the schleps who sit in one of the end zones at the Metrodome. I first saw it back in 1998 around this time of the year when the Vikings were slapping up the Jacksonville Jaguars 50-10.

Ah, the days of Randy Moss and Cris Carter, and 15-1 seasons, and runs that ended in the NFC Title game. Those were the good old days. The years of frozen toes in the large Washington Avenue tailgate lots, frequent victory dances from "Little Buddy," and cold Premium beer mixed with warm chilli from Stier's bachelor pad.

1998 was Moss's Rookie season, and the best season in Vikings history. The next few years were the best 3 years the Vikings had since the "Purple People Eaters." This year the Vikings traded Moss to Oakland, and I still haven't been able to figure out why?

I wrote awhile back that trading Randy would be a mistake of "Paul Bunyan" proportions. I still believe that Moss is a Vikings icon, a Minnesota product, a member of the 10,000 Lake Club. His time in Minnesota will always be thought of positive to me, eventhough most of the media and idiots in this state loved to talk about him a negative way.

This year, I drafted Randy with my #1 pick in the fantasy football draft, and was really hoping for him to "light the NFL completely up" again, but that hasn't been the case. The other day some smart ass posted a comment on a Vikings Message board that asked, "Hey, Where are All the Moss Lovers Now?" He cited the fact that he only had 697 yards receiving and 5 TD's this season, and proclaimed that the Vikings had made the correct decision in trading Moss.

There seemed to be an immediate response from fans of the Superfreak:

"Moss is, was, and always will be a Viking. He has also been gimping around lately, so he isn't playing when he wants to. Admittedly, he is not having a Moss like year, but I am sure he is frustrated as hell. To me Randy is STILL the Viking that mooned the Cheeseheads in the playoffs and should always be remembered for his steller career here under that circus tent we call a stadium."

"R. U. Crazy? Trading Moss for Napoleon Harris, Troy Williamson and a 7th Round Draft pick traded for Old Man Sam (Cowart) is the 2nd dumbest trade in Vikings history. Think about it. Before Moss got hurt this season, he was tearing it up: New England- 5 catches-130 yards and a 1 TD, -Kansas City- 5 catches -127 yards -1 TD, Philadelphia 5 catches-86 yards, Dallas 4 catches-123 yards. I am not a math genius but that's waht 116.5 per game? If he didn't get hurt and play through pain that would have been on pace for 1,864 yds for the season. I will bet you he still get's 1,000 yards this year on one bad leg and a sore..."

"Oh those acquisitions we got for Randy have really helped with our 6-5 record. Let's see, Napoleon "Bad website" Harris was virtually cut. Is he still on the team? Troy Williamson- has dropped the sweetest TD pass Brad Johnson could ever throw. He looks fast, but he his hands and moves just aren't close to Randy's. So tell me again why this trade was worth doing for anyone involved? Sam Cowart? Is he the next version of Greg Biekert? Neither the two teams nor the individuals involved have benefitted the tiniest bit from this trader. The only thing keeping it from being the worst trade ever is that Bulldog they called Herschel..."

"Randy Moss made Brad Johnson look good in '98, and would have given him a lock to be NFL comeback player of the year in 2005. Hell, Moss made Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, Daunte Culpepper, and even Todd Boumann look like superstars. I don't have an explanation for why Spergon Wynn and Kerry Collins suck though. That is a mystery to me."

So Tis the season for 2nd Guessing, and remembering Christmas' past. Remember when you are shopping for Christmas presents this season be sure to check out all the latest merchandise from the Randy Moss Store and websites:

My Favorite Randy Moss Links:

Randy's Official Site

Moss Merchandise

The Moss Halloween Mask

Vikings Code of Conduct Revealed

From a Blog called, the "Hater Nation" comes this unique look at the Minnesota Vikings new "Code of Conduct." Along with it comes some pretty savvy NFL rips and tears, and I feel it's worth posting on the blog here:

The Minnesota Vikings recently handed out its code conduct to its players in response to a string of embarrassing incidents that have discredited the team worse than it could ever do on the field, which means that it was really extreme. The code of conduct was not made public but the Hater Nation has obtained some of the specific articles and will present them to you.

Section 1, Paragraph 4: Coaches are encouraged to refrain from having sex with team secretaries, impregnating them, and then forcing them to have an abortion.

Section 1, Paragraph 25: When an employee's wages are garnished by a court order due to child support, the team is bound to withhold the amount indicated up to 14 illegitimate children.

Section 1, Paragraph 29: Report any illegal ticket scalping to your head coach immediately.

Section 1, Paragraph 39: Although facial hair is permitted, a clean, professional and healthy look is encouraged while at work or representing the Vikings. Except for Ragnar, of course.

Section 12, Paragraph 88: Any reference to the "Hail Mary" or "Nate Wright" is strictly prohibited.

Section 11, Paragraph 1: It is good common sense to wait a half hour after eating to sexually assault an adult entertainer on the open seas.

Section 84, Paragraph 1: Players should wait at least 45 seconds before leaving the scene of a traffic incident.

Section 84, Paragraph 4: Posses, crews, and sets must be limited to no more than 14 people.

Section 84, Paragraph 12: Please only squirt NFL officials with water only, not Gatorade. That stuff can get expensive.

Section 84, Paragraph 15: Please leave all bling off of your person if you are playing. Of course gold teeth are acceptable. (Hey, Chad Johnson could be a free agent soon.)

Section 32, Paragraph 1: Leave all drug paraphernalia at home. Do not take it to the airport.

Section 32, Paragraph 1a: If you are going to do drugs, even once in a blue moon, please let us know ahead of time so Matt Birk can take your drug test.

Section 32, Paragraph 5: Do not accept free DirecTV under and circumstance.

Section 77, Paragraph 18: Should you get hurt on the job, see your immediate supervisor to fill out an incident report within 24 hours. Please note, if your out-of-shape, over-weight husband happens to die during training camp, you can rest assured that our family will take care of your family as long as needed.

Section 99, Paragraph 6: Flexibility is a quality that is embraced with the team. You must be willing to move to San Antonio or Los Angels within a month’s notice if needed.

But the Vikings weren't the only team addressing issues. Other teams around the league have recently (or not, some of these jokes will be stale) added to its code of conduct.

Arizona: See Section 1, Paragraph 4 of the Vikings code of conduct.

Atlanta: The use of pseudonyms is strictly prohibited.

Carolina: Cheerleaders, especially in public, must use the restroom one at a time.

Players are required to leave all keys to their trunks with the front office staff and local authorities.

Dallas: Players purchasing a house for orgies must have no more than two players names on the title. (We told you this was old).

Certain coaches should consider wearing a "Bro" (a bra for men).

Only one loud-mouth jerk of a receiver is allowed on that team at a time.

Miami: Crying is prohibited on the practice field.

Oakland: See Vikings code of conduct, section 84 (hereby known as Section 18).

Ecstasy must be of pharmaceutical grade.

Players making sex tapes must submit their work to the quality control office no later than 9 a.m. on Monday morning.

For the fans: Darth Raider's light saber must not exceed 60 inches in length. Spiked shoulder pads should be no more than four inches long. Ugly people encouraged to wear silver and black makeup.

Philadelphia: Running the football is strictly prohibited while quarterback is nursing an injury.

Complaints about coaches, players and management should be submitted in writing to the front-office staff.

Pittsburgh: Quarterbacks are not allowed to ride a motorcycle without a helmet. Except for Tommy Maddox.

Cleveland: Just stay off the (expletive) motorcycle.

St. Louis: No collect calls will be accepted from coaches while games are in progress.

All employees terminated from the team must have one final swim at the owner's beach house.

Have some of your own? Feel free to add them at the Hater Nation forums by clicking here.